Third Party Reproduction
Emotional, Psychological, and Legal Resources Fertility therapy can be complex and stressful. Third-party Reproduction, involving the use of donor eggs, donor sperm, or a gestational carrier, adds intricacy to the path to building your family. Understanding what resources are available to you may ease your anxiety, and help you take control of the choices and opportunities available to you. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recommends that all individuals or couples utilizing a third-party donor or carrier meet with a qualified mental health professional to explore the potential impact of the relationship between the donor or carrier and the recipient(s), or Intended Parent(s). In the past, our patients have found this meeting quite beneficial in helping them to understand questions to ask, how to involve family members, and whether, when, and how to deal with the issue of disclosure to children. Numerous resources are available in the form of books, children’s books, and online support groups. At NRM, we have found value in having our patients meet with a counselor to explore their decisions and questions that may arise. Options include:- Marlene Maron, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. University of Vermont. Phone: (802) 847-3634
- Kate Stone, PsyD. University of Vermont. Phone (802) 847-3634
- Judith Gerber, PhD. Clinical Psychologist in Family Medicine, Colchester, Vermont. Phone: (802) 847-2055
- The use of donor sperm or egg, or a gestational carrier is not a bad or shameful thing, but secrets are generally considered bad or shameful. The opportunity to build your family by these means is something to be embraced and celebrated.
- The pressure to keep a secret can be stressful and have negative impacts on family members.
- Children are very perceptive and can often pick up on dishonesty.
- Building a family based on a foundation of truth and honesty is important for emotionally healthy relationships.
- Young children who have “always known” have this knowledge as a part of their identity and do not know any differently. This becomes their “normal” and they are not likely to place any judgments on their method of conception.
- Children from donor conception know that they were intensely wanted and deeply loved.
- Waiting until adolescence or later to disclose can be devastating to a child. Adolescence is a turbulent time and disclosure at this time could add issues about the child’s identity, can often lead to a child feeling as though they have been lied to, and can result in feelings of mistrust and frustration toward their parents.
- TheNextFamily.com (see more Children’s books here: http://thenextfamily.com/resources)
- ReproductiveFacts.org
- Resolve New England